In private adoption, you often have to write what’s termed a “Dear Birthmom” letter. You introduce yourself and try to connect with an expectant mom who is considering making an ..
The past few months have been a whirlwind. And the next few promise to be as well.
Which has meant less writing and more packing, painting and planning. But recently a friend ..
Which feels a bit funny because we just moved 11 months ago. But 11 months ago, Big D was with us and we were still hopeful that we might have kids biologically…
I was just gifted Foster Care: One Dog’s Story of Change. And whether I paid for it or didn’t, it would be a gift.
Reading with my foster kids has been one of my greatest trea..
Last week I had the honor of sitting in a courtroom as a 17 year-old-girl stood up to the man who abused her for much of her childhood.
I didn’t know her then and could do not..
It’s not new to me that assumptions aren’t a best practice.
But it is new how terribly sneaky they are.
We found a few when we got married. And now foster care seems to be ..
In the down weeks and months, the times when we aren’t actively caring for foster kids, I lose my mind.
Reality fades away and I imagine a world where Jonathan and I have some..
I haven’t written about this for a few reasons, but mainly because I don’t want it to be a distraction.
Foster care isn’t about our infertility. It has never been. We didn’t s..
A beautiful sixteen-year-old walked into our lives and home on Monday night.
Like every other child who has been placed with us, she didn’t want to move.
But here she is. H..
We’re getting more calls.
And quite frankly this is one of the worst parts of foster care. When we hear that a child needs help but then realize that we can’t step in. That we..
Over four years of fostering, we’ve learned a thing or two. Nearly always the hard way.
One lesson we’ve gotten wrong more than I care to admit reminds me of our fir..
And then five days later they were gone.
Two dear girls came into our life and home on Friday and then walked back out the front door on Tuesday.
We had heard they would st..
We’re on the no-call list. After our last placement we told our licensing worker we needed a long break. To rest and to heal ourselves before we might be ready to care for a hurt..
Before foster parenting, I can’t remember a time when I said “I love you” and it wasn’t returned. When there wasn’t an immediate expression of similar affection. An “I love you, ..
The title alone to Sheryl Sandberg’s latest book made it irresistible to me.
Option B. Facing adversity, building resilience, and finding joy.
I wanted to kn..
The idea of fostering again is daunting.
For lots of reasons, but my heart keeps coming back to one. Starting over.
After 18 months of growing love and building trust, our ..
When I tell people I’m a foster parent, the most common and often well-intentioned response can also be the most painful.
I hear it all the time.
“I could never be a foster..
There are several decent lists out there naming tangible ways to help foster parents in the throes of it. They are beautiful and worthwhile and please read them. But this is isn’..
Most things in life feel relative. Our wealth. Our worries.
It’s hard not to measure our lives on a bell curve to see how we measure up against the other lives around us.
Jonathan had other girlfriends before me. Quite a few serious ones actually. Here and there they come up in conversation. And I don’t mind. I think they helped him grow into the ..
We got a dog. Which has turned out to be one of the very best life choices we could make.
Our sweet ten-year-old chocolate lab came to us less than a month ago and w..
I always wonder at sunsets. The brilliant colors. The impossibly large canvas. The masterpiece of it all.
And then a moment later, gone.
It seems to be a daily reminder of ..
We changed our world to foster Big D for seventeen months and his brother for nine. I quit my job (and luckily found a more flexible one). We put hobbies on hold and personal goa..
Our precious Big D is gone. After living life together for seventeen months, gone.
Most days it feels surreal. I wonder if he’s really gone. Or if he was ever really here. Kno..
A year ago I knew Big D was leaving. We walked into court ready to say goodbye.
And then he didn’t. We didn’t.
Instead we played soccer and visited the ocean. We watched ea..
Today is Holy Saturday. The little known day marking the 24 hours between Good Friday and Easter Sunday.
Philip Yancey wrote about this in-between day in a way that’..
I’m in the middle of a book and as one of the very slowest readers, I do not have the patience to wait until I’ve finished it to share. It’s too good.
In fact, it’s actually a..
I remember when I was single, I ached to share my experiences with someone. Whenever I traveled, I tried to bring family or friends. If I went alone, I often sought to make a new..
We’re moving. And I couldn’t be taking it worse.
A couple weeks ago, we decided it was time to be closer to our church community. With family on both sides hours away, we year..
We were robbed. Someone jumped through our window and into our home without our permission. They rifled through our belongings. Opened our drawers. Pulled down our bedspreads. An..
I find that most people don’t know much about foster care. But then again. Neither did I.
3 years ago, I was just as likely as anyone else to ask the wrong question or not a..
Reading about the ban on immigrants and refugees, my heart, like many of yours, mourns. For the people we are turning away and for the posture our country is taking toward outsid..
Often we debate what’s in the best of a child. Number of activities? Dinner routines? Discipline methods?
But rarely do we debate who is in the best interest of the child?
I recently rewatched “Hunt for the Wilderpeople” and it is quickly becoming one of my all time favorites. It’s a New Zealand film full of New Zealand humor. Using awkward honesty..
Foster care isn’t what I thought. But of course it isn’t. Expectations rarely meet the breadth and depth of human experience.
Trauma leaves a greater mark than I knew on these..
It’s shattering my ro..
We often talk of finding the right balance. Eating a balanced diet. Achieving work-life balance.
Frankly, I don’t believe in balance. It’s all tension.
A teacher once expla..
At Christmas, I go all out. I love getting and I love giving.
One year I aspired not to really want anything and told my husband as much. This was our very first Christmas tog..
I like control.
I like to choose what’s going to happen, when and how. Yes, yes. More of that, please.
Instead though, I chose to parent. And in parenting, we give up contr..
A couple years ago, in the midst of fostering our firsts, I crashed.
Parenting a sibling set of three suffering severe neglect and trauma, I felt like a toddler tr..
Holidays. The single word holds so much.
Beautiful memories. Painful flashbacks. Vulnerable hopes. And impossible expectations.
For some, it’s twinkle lights and festive ch..
This time court was harder. Scarier.
I’ve been there and done that a half dozen times, and mostly it feels the same. But this time. This time something was different.
Short but not sweet, this two minute and thirty-seven second rap is painful ..
I find foster care nearly impossible to talk about. Which is part of the reason I write. And write so little.
It’s not for lack of passion or purpose. Or by any means, emotion..
The past week, Big D has been going to the nurse’s office daily complaining of headaches. Sometimes once, sometimes twice.
Like any parent, I try to find the right balance of ..
I lay there with my arm across his back. Cuddled up next to my dear foster daughter as she tries to hide her body in the wall.
Every night we snuggle here, reminiscing about t..
We all come to the table with ideas, assumptions and prejudices. Whether we like it or not.
When I met my foster son’s biological mother nine months ago, I stood back. Stayed ..
I hesitate to say it out loud, let alone to write it. If I name it, surely I’ll jinx it. But we’ve ached for this for so long that I can’t not.
For the first time since fo..