All the difference.

All the difference.

Foster care isn’t what I thought. But of course it isn’t. Expectations rarely meet the breadth and depth of human experience.

Trauma leaves a greater mark than I knew on these little ones. And that leaves a greater mark on me.

But hope remains.

Both my own limited personal experience and Havard’s quantitative study confirm it. Naturally, Harvard says it best:

When confronted with the fallout of childhood trauma, why do some children adapt and overcome, while others bear lifelong scars that flatten their potential? A growing body of evidence points to one common answer: Every child who winds up doing well has had at least one stable and committed rela­tionship with a supportive adult.

The power of that one strong adult relationship is a key ingredient in resilience — a positive, adaptive response in the face of significant adversity — according to a new report from the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, a multidisciplinary collaboration chaired by Harvard’s Jack Shonkoff.


One adult makes not just a difference, but all the difference for these kids.

They need one adult who is safe, steady, reliable.

One adult who sticks with them through thick and thin, through anger and attitudes, through the months and years.

One adult who believes in them, shows up for them, comes through for them.

We can do one, right?

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  1. Pam

    I love it! Finally, someone who agrees that kids aren’t just resilient all on their own. I’ve been sick and tired for years over the popular philosophy that children are resilient. Period. So do whatever anyone likes to children because they will “bounce back.” WRONG. I’ve been saying for so long that they are resilient only if they have an adult they can trust. Does anyone out there realize the depth of damage done to children over the decades since that philosophy came about (1973) all because “parents” thought they could put their kids through anything and they would be resilient? And to take it a step further, why on earth would we want to make our kids resilient? Seriously, adults want to traumatize their children to “build” resiliency?

    Sorry, I could go on, and get all fired up reading Psychological resilience Wikipedia’s definition, and all the children day after day year after year whose parents shrug their shoulders and say, oh well, kids are resilient. (So then why, WHY do we have so many broken adults? Because they were forced to cope with things in childhood that were beyond their ability to cope.) Even in this day and age, I will hear psychologists say, kids are resilient, and I say, NO! Kids MUST HAVE a trustworthy adult in their life to gently guide their life in order to cope with their issues.

    Sigh. I’m done now. Sorry for the soap box. Thank you and God Bless You for being the adult who guides your little ones through trauma towards survival towards a whole life. You are officially my hero and all the other moms and dads who do the same.

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