Wednesday, we had our first big court day with our newest placement, two handsome boys.
Many knew we were anxious about what would be decided for these dear boys we have come to know and love. Which way their worlds would turn based on what the judge ruled.
Kind texts and thoughtful emails reminded us that our village was rooting for these boys alongside us. Before, during, and after the decisions were decided.
Friends and family wondering with us what would be. Gently asking, “How did court go?”
I found myself struggling to find a word to summarize it. I could easily provide the answer the judge did. Matter of factly telling what she pronounced. That the boys would stay with us until the next court hearing in May.
But as I typed my response, I didn’t have any adjectives to add. No goods or bads.
Certainly I’m deeply glad the boys will stay together and will stay with us. But with us means not with family. With us means still in limbo.
Every option in foster care feels broken. Full of hard these boys did nothing to deserve. Full of questions for their hearts to sort through forever.
The more I come to know foster care, the more my eyes are opened to the ugly shade of gray that covers so much of the world.
I didn’t see it before. My options were rosy and my choices steeped in privilege. Which college to attend? What job to take? When to buy a house?
They felt difficult at the time, but now they seem dreamy. I ache for these boys to have that lot rather than theirs. To not have to worry who will tuck them in at night or whether they will grow up with their own brother.
Slowly, I’m learning how to stay with them here despite the discomfort. To stand with them between the rocks and hard places.