I lay there with my arm across his back. Cuddled up next to my dear foster son as he tries to hide his body in the wall.
Every night we snuggle here, reminiscing about today a..
We all come to the table with ideas, assumptions and prejudices. Whether we like it or not.
When I met my foster son’s biological mother nine months ago, I stood back. Stayed ..
I hesitate to say it out loud, let alone to write it. If I name it, surely I’ll jinx it. But we’ve ached for this for so long that I can’t not.
For the first time since fo..
People often ask, “How long will Big D be with you?”
The answer of course affects everything. School. Work. Home.
My best guess is one day or hundreds. That might seem dram..
As a painfully slow reader, I often get frustrated at how long a book takes me to finish. And at how few other things I can accomplish at the same time.
Enter audio books.
I’ve never been into video games. I never had a Nintendo growing up and have never really cared to since.
Oregon Trail in typing class was probably the closest I got.
So often I feel wrecked by foster care. By all that it entails. Taking children from their homes, their moms, their lives. Facing the traumas of why they were removed and the que..
I’ve found my end. The place where something has to give.
A week away with my husband gave us the space we needed to breath. And the distance we needed to see.
To see that ..
Parenthood of all sorts draws attention. Advice. Criticism.
Fostering is no different. Except there’s a lot more mandated reporters.
When the state has custody of a child, ..
Months ago, our youngest foster son’s case worker fought to have him removed from our home to a more structured environment, a residential facility. This seasoned social ..
Note: This is the tough part. The part I don’t want to know or write or share. The part that keeps me up at night and quiet for weeks.
We didn’t adopt our first foster kids a..
I’m one of the first men to play an active role in our foster sons’ lives. They are 9 and 11.
It’s terrifying and weighty.
We talk often about being men of courage and resp..
The past several months we’ve been on the great school search.
It’s proven to be quite the puzzle. Like you do, we’re considering all the normal factors – location, diversity,..
I collect beauty. Sometimes found, sometimes made. I clothe our home in things that speak to me. That carry a part of us or share a piece of our story.
These aren’t simply pre..
Sometimes I get lost in the minutia. In the minute by minute, play by play game of keeping two boys fed, clothed, reasonably clean and a healthy distance from each others’ throat..
Court was yesterday. In the foster care world, those three words carry a lot.
So much weighs on that day. On those minutes as the judge decides.
Months out, it looms heavy…
As a foster mom, I’ve been called a lot of unsavory names. I hesitate to share them, to repeat them. But I also hesitate not to. 5 and 10 year old babies are saying these words. ..
Four months ago yesterday, our two boys moved in with us.
Offhandedly, our eldest told us today about his therapy appointment and the “feelings heart” he drew. He said he wrot..
My day begins as I reach up to the top bunk to tickle my foster son Big D awake. The most fantastic grin covers his face. His brother Little D rouses with less smiling and more r..
Early on in my foster training days, I was turned on to Karyn Purvis and her Empowered to Connect crew. After reading and listening for two years, I was finally able to attend a ..
Last week, we took our two foster sons out of town to visit family. Our family. Nieces, nephews, sisters, brothers, parents. All of us connected by blood, or covenants of marriag..
When foster care gets tough, we sometimes lose sight of why we do it. In our home. Under one roof. And then we are reminded. Some days, those reminders come in a giant torrents. ..
I’ve never considered myself a writer. In fact, as a graphic designer by trade, I’ve always said that I do pictures, not words.
Secretly, this is also because the majority of ..
Love is the biggest four letter word. It patently trumps all the bad ones.
But it’s also the scariest. Opening ourselves up to another. Exposing our hearts.
It leaves us vu..
The day our two foster sons moved in, Big D (the ten year old) made it clear that on no uncertain terms were we to come to his school.
He was willing to live with us. But bein..
Back during my dating years, I remember yearning for a good DTR (define the relationship) talk anytime things felt loosey goosey with a fella.
I always preferred to go ahead a..
I got a new job. When I left my old gig, I was skeptically hopeful that someday somehow I would get back into the creative world. And it happened sooner than I thought.
These days our house is a fabulous hot mess of nae naeing and Wallstreet Journal reading.
Our two delightful foster boys are giving us an intimate introduction to a new world ..
Wednesday, we had our first big court day with our newest placement, two handsome boys.
Many knew we were anxious about what would be decided for these dear boys we have come t..
Court comes tomorrow. It feels heavy. With black robes and huge desks. Loud gavels and police officers.
Looming decisions on who will go where, when. Mere moments defining ent..
Some days are tough in foster care. Triggers are hit. Boundaries tested. Tantrums flying.
And none of us quite sure how or why we got here.
But here we are. With no clear p..
In foster care, so much ends with a question mark. For everyone.
Nobody knows the future. Or understands the past. The latter often informing the former.
But foster care si..
Hello 2016. This year, I’m already minus one job and plus two kids.
More homework and legos. Fewer pdfs and meetings. The same amount of coffee.
After diving into so much c..
Most things in life require sacrifice of some sort. To get one thing you naturally have to give up another.
I knew that going into foster care. Obviously this was going to req..
I can’t recommend “To the End of June: The Intimate Life of American Foster Care” strongly enough. Author Cris Beam’s in depth research and beautiful storytelling reveal honest p..
Last Friday, we welcomed Big D (10) and Little D (8). Introductions were quickly followed by trampoline jumping, wrestling and general merriment.
While we enjoyed the fun and ..
24 hours after walking out of my office for the last time, two handsome, healthy boys walked through our front door.
Smart, athletic and fabulously funny, these brothers quick..
I quit my job. I told my boss, turned in my resignation letter and read the floor-wide announcement email.
It’s official. But it doesn’t feel real.
Two years ago I transitioned..
Strider Wolf, a five-year-old fella from Maine, has a story shared by Sarah Schweitzer of The Boston Globe. It’s worth reading. Worth watching.
As I begin to describe it, I find..
I write a lot about the hard of foster care. The unanswered questions we face, the unthinkable pain children suffer, the unyielding difficulties the system creates. But each time..
Foster care is filled with questions. And very few answers.
Complex psychological questions about how to best love a hurting child. Deep philosophical questions about who should..
This weekend I watched the movie Know How. It’s described as a “musical written and acted by youth in foster care. Their lives. Their stories. Their voices.” After reading about ..
I’m learning to fly. It is a brand new skill, like learning to read.
In four months of practice, I’ve had four instructors. Akin to having four kindergarten teachers in one se..
Nobody wants to spoil their child. Indulging every whim or fancy until it’s expected. Demanded.
We have internal and external battles about what the right balance is. Waffling w..
Between long term placements, we often do what’s called “respite care.”
We get a lot of questions about it because friends see us with kids for just a few days. For instance, we..
Today, we attended the adoption hearing for a sibling group of three – our very first long term placement. After being in care for 2 years and 8 months, they were finally, offici..
Once upon a time, I thoughts my ways were fairly ordinary. Assuming most everyone liked what I liked and thought what I thought. Then I got married.
It turns out we’re all diffe..
Last year, we cared for three siblings who weren’t fond of the police or African Americans and made it known in no uncertain terms and with several unsavory ones. It was an attit..
The topic of money is nearly always a difficult one. And even more so when you multiply it by a factor of caring for children taken by the state.
Welcome to foster care.
My husband Jonathan and I recently took a class focused on caring for kids with trauma. This was the advanced class. Not because we were advanced, but because we learned so much ..