We changed our world to foster Big D for seventeen months and his brother for nine. I quit my job (and luckily found a more flexible one). We put hobbies on hold and personal goa..
Our precious Big D is gone. After living life together for seventeen months, gone.
Most days it feels surreal. I wonder if he’s really gone. Or if he was ever really here. Kno..
A year ago I knew Big D was leaving. We walked into court ready to say goodbye.
And then he didn’t. We didn’t.
Instead we played soccer and visited the ocean. We watched ea..
A long time ago, we had a wonderful 5 year old and 7 year old brothers as foster sons.
One weekend as a new, and naive foster dad, I took the boys with me to visit my 88 year ..
Today is Holy Saturday. The little known day marking the 24 hours between Good Friday and Easter Sunday.
Philip Yancey wrote about this in-between day in a way that’..
I’m in the middle of a book and as one of the very slowest readers, I do not have the patience to wait until I’ve finished it to share. It’s too good.
In fact, it’s actually a..
I remember when I was single, I ached to share my experiences with someone. Whenever I traveled, I tried to bring family or friends. If I went alone, I often sought to make a new..
GUEST POST by my talented friend, Ally Berttucci, a beautiful soul who has a heart and a counseling degree to help kids from hard places.
In therapy we talk a lot about “holdi..
We’re moving. And I couldn’t be taking it worse.
A couple weeks ago, we decided it was time to be closer to our church community. With family on both sides hours away, we year..
We were robbed. Someone jumped through our window and into our home without our permission. They rifled through our belongings. Opened our drawers. Pulled down our bedspreads. An..
I find that most people don’t know much about foster care. But then again. Neither did I.
3 years ago, I was just as likely as anyone else to ask the wrong question or not a..
Reading about the ban on immigrants and refugees, my heart, like many of yours, mourns. For the people we are turning away and for the posture our country is taking toward outsid..
Often we debate what’s in the best of a child. Number of activities? Dinner routines? Discipline methods?
But rarely do we debate who is in the best interest of the child?
I recently rewatched “Hunt for the Wilderpeople” and it is quickly becoming one of my all time favorites. It’s a New Zealand film full of New Zealand humor. Using awkward honesty..
Foster care isn’t what I thought. But of course it isn’t. Expectations rarely meet the breadth and depth of human experience.
Trauma leaves a greater mark than I knew on these..
It’s shattering my ro..
We often talk of finding the right balance. Eating a balanced diet. Achieving work-life balance.
Frankly, I don’t believe in balance. It’s all tension.
A teacher once expla..
At Christmas, I go all out. I love getting and I love giving.
One year I aspired not to really want anything and told my husband as much. This was our very first Christmas tog..
I like control.
I like to choose what’s going to happen, when and how. Yes, yes. More of that, please.
Instead though, I chose to parent. And in parenting, we give up contr..
A couple years ago, in the midst of fostering our firsts, I crashed.
Parenting a sibling set of three suffering severe neglect and trauma, I felt like a toddler tr..
Holidays. The single word holds so much.
Beautiful memories. Painful flashbacks. Vulnerable hopes. And impossible expectations.
For some, it’s twinkle lights and festive ch..
This time court was harder. Scarier.
I’ve been there and done that a half dozen times, and mostly it feels the same. But this time. This time something was different.
Short but not sweet, this two minute and thirty-seven second rap is painful ..
I find foster care nearly impossible to talk about. Which is part of the reason I write. And write so little.
It’s not for lack of passion or purpose. Or by any means, emotion..
We all come to the table with ideas, assumptions and prejudices. Whether we like it or not.
When I met my foster son’s biological mother nine months ago, I stood back. Stayed ..
I hesitate to say it out loud, let alone to write it. If I name it, surely I’ll jinx it. But we’ve ached for this for so long that I can’t not.
For the first time since fo..
People often ask, “How long will Big D be with you?”
The answer of course affects everything. School. Work. Home.
My best guess is one day or hundreds. That might seem dram..
As a painfully slow reader, I often get frustrated at how long a book takes me to finish. And at how few other things I can accomplish at the same time.
Enter audio books.
So often I feel wrecked by foster care. By all that it entails. Taking children from their homes, their moms, their lives. Facing the traumas of why they were removed and the que..
I’ve found my end. The place where something has to give.
A week away with my husband gave us the space we needed to breath. And the distance we needed to see.
To see that ..
Parenthood of all sorts draws attention. Advice. Criticism.
Fostering is no different. Except there’s a lot more mandated reporters.
When the state has custody of a child, ..
Months ago, our youngest foster son’s case worker fought to have him removed from our home to a more structured environment, a residential facility. This seasoned social ..
Note: This is the tough part. The part I don’t want to know or write or share. The part that keeps me up at night and quiet for weeks.
We didn’t adopt our first foster kids a..
I’m one of the first men to play an active role in our foster sons’ lives. They are 9 and 11.
It’s terrifying and weighty.
We talk often about being men of courage and resp..
The past several months we’ve been on the great school search.
It’s proven to be quite the puzzle. Like you do, we’re considering all the normal factors – location, diversity,..
As a foster mom, I’ve been called a lot of unsavory names. I hesitate to share them, to repeat them. But I also hesitate not to. 5 and 10 year old babies are saying these words. ..
Early on in my foster training days, I was turned on to Karyn Purvis and her Empowered to Connect crew. After reading and listening for two years, I was finally able to attend a ..
I’ve never considered myself a writer. In fact, as a graphic designer by trade, I’ve always said that I do pictures, not words.
Secretly, this is also because the majority of ..
Back during my dating years, I remember yearning for a good DTR (define the relationship) talk anytime things felt loosey goosey with a fella.
I always preferred to go ahead a..
I got a new job. When I left my old gig, I was skeptically hopeful that someday somehow I would get back into the creative world. And it happened sooner than I thought.
These days our house is a fabulous hot mess of nae naeing and Wallstreet Journal reading.
Our two delightful foster boys are giving us an intimate introduction to a new world ..
Wednesday, we had our first big court day with our newest placement, two handsome boys.
Many knew we were anxious about what would be decided for these dear boys we have come t..
Court comes tomorrow. It feels heavy. With black robes and huge desks. Loud gavels and police officers.
Looming decisions on who will go where, when. Mere moments defining ent..
In foster care, so much ends with a question mark. For everyone.
Nobody knows the future. Or understands the past. The latter often informing the former.
But foster care si..
Hello 2016. This year, I’m already minus one job and plus two kids.
More homework and legos. Fewer pdfs and meetings. The same amount of coffee.
After diving into so much c..
Most things in life require sacrifice of some sort. To get one thing you naturally have to give up another.
I knew that going into foster care. Obviously this was going to req..
I can’t recommend “To the End of June: The Intimate Life of American Foster Care” strongly enough. Author Cris Beam’s in depth research and beautiful storytelling reveal honest p..
In September, we welcomed David and Jordan. Introductions were quickly followed by trampoline jumping, wrestling and general merriment.
While we enjoyed the fun and games, Jon..
24 hours after walking out of my office for the last time, two handsome, healthy boys walked through our front door.
Smart, athletic and fabulously funny, these brothers quick..